No matter how much you like another person, conflict is likely to happen at some point. While most disputes are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go for a holiday), left unresolved, a conflict can easily fester and grow. Wouldn’t it be better to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own?

How do you go about doing that?

1. The First Step is to Listen

And don’t just listen to the words, listen to the feelings behind them. After all it’s the emotions that drive both the conversation and the conflict!

When you listen actively, and pause to ask questions, to clarify, and to repeat what you thought the other person was saying, you are connecting with the other person and letting them know that:

• what they say matters and even more importantly,
• you’re letting them know they are being heard.

2. Look for How to Resolve the Situation

Solutions come when you give up the notion that you have to ‘win’. Winning isn’t as important as looking for ways in which you can recognise solutions. Conflict is not a competition. There is no point in winning your argument when it comes at a price your relationship has to pay.

3. Stay Present and in the Moment

Instead of focusing on what is wrong and what brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what is happening. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

4. Decide what’s important right now

That is called “picking your battles” and is essential in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over.

Ask yourself, “Is this an issue over a minor annoyance that you will quickly forget,” or is there something deeper going on that may need to be addressed.

5. Know how and when to disengage

That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be acceptance is in order, and perhaps your only option is to agree to disagree.

Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the situation that created the conflict, there’s nothing to be gained by perpetuating the situation any longer than absolutely necessary.

Resolving conflict is an easy skill to learn. Follow these 5 tips consistently, and you will handle conflict in every kind of relationship more easily – whether business or personal.

Above all, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead, look at any conflict as a step toward better understanding. As an opportunity to use these 5 steps and grow your skills, that will, over time, lead to better relationships in your future.

David Lomman  November 2021